Veena/Monday, 24th April

Phil seems to have partially emerged from his Neanderthal period and I hope we can now proceed on a more civilised basis.

Fiona has given us some books and magazines to look at (which I’m going to have to keep well-hidden from Roddy). Again, I’m not too convinced by this. Phil has no difficulty in looking at dirty books, magazines, pictures, videos etc. His problem lies in doing something about it, vis a vis me!

Still, if we share our perusal of these manuals in the comfort and privacy of our own bed, perhaps we can both get turned on enough to benefit. In any case, I hope this will only be the fire that lights his touchpaper. The thought of basing my future sex-life solely on Phil getting turned on by strumpets displaying their sordid wares makes me want to throw up.

This is me that was trying to encourage him to look up porn on the web. It’s no wonder he’s confused. I’m confused.

Fiona also said she wants us to be generally more adventurous. This worries me.

Phil/Monday, 24th April

Hey, she’s not a bad old stick, Fiona. Gave us a pile of dirty books to bring home. At least I can now see some tangible benefits from the fortunes we’re paying her. If they’re any good I might take out a subscription.

The thought of reading them with Shorty isn’t too appealing, because I know what her reaction will be. If she’s not criticising some poor girl for having nail polish and shoes that don’t match, she’ll be having a go at them for being dirty trollops.

It’s a small step from there to feminism and human dignity, and me having no respect for individuals in general and women in particular. We’ve played this game before. I then say, ‘These women are exhibitionists. It’s a medical condition, and you’re impinging on their human rights by not allowing them to display themselves in the scud and fulfil themselves as human beings.’

This, of course, is red rag to a bull. She thinks I’m trying to be funny about a very serious subject and I get a lecture on exploitation. I counter that if that’s exploitation then I’ll have a large dose of it. Give me a couple of grand to get my kit off and wiggle Willie-Boy about. This gets a dismissive snort and I’ll fall asleep worrying that Veena’s not really happy with Willie-Boy’s general dimensions.

Be clever, Phil, you can see it coming, so let’s not go down that road. Agree with her!